Do's and Don'ts For Poly Couples Keeping Polyamorous Relationship
Polyamorous relationships are ethical, non-monogamous committed relationships where poly couples can explore and experiment, practice self improvement and seriously address their jealous tendencies. Polygamy dating can take a lot of work and openness between two or more partners, and that is why it can be beneficial for poly couples or for someone looking to join a pre-existing polyamorous relationship.
Do's for Polyamorous Relationship
Do your research
There are different kinds of polyamory and different variations can fit different people. It is imperative that you and your partners know what you are going into in order to find out which kind suits you. Don't be afraid to address foreseeable issues you may encounter with all your partners (or partner if looking to begin one). There are many online forums and websites where other poly couples give advice and guidance.
Do true introspection
You must see if a polyamorous relationship is a good fit for you and not simply a way to have more sex with more people. Polyamorous relationships require a lot of mental and emotional work and consideration of your partners, and thus should be approached with respect and considerable thought. If you are a person that has a great tendency to be jealous, polygamy dating can either make or break you.
Do have honest discussions
Approaching the idea of creating or joining a polyamorous relationship should be a choice made by both willing partners. Make sure to open up to your partner about why you're considering a polyamorous relationship and let them be honest with you about what they think and how they feel. Only then can you decide to take the next step as polyamorous relationships are all about honesty and communication, never deception.
Do express wants and needs
You must have open and honest communication with all of your partners in order to communicate your wants and needs. Not even in monogamous relationships can any partner read the other's mind. To feel fulfilled in all your relationships, you must honestly and intimately communicate the things you require so they can meet it. Only then can they meet your wants and needs with the utmost care.
Do create boundaries
Each polyamorous relationship is different, meaning some people like knowing who their partner's partners are while other's don't like knowing who they're partnered with or have slept with. Make sure that you and your partner's partners have terms and boundaries that you all agree to in order to prevent violating, disrespecting or betraying them and their feelings.
Whether you are single or in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, experimentation can be a great tool for self discovery for two or more partners. Whether its self improvement you're after or changing up your relationship terms and dynamics, make sure that you run the terms by your partners and all are in agreement, to make sure that their own experimentation goals are also met.
Do study the relationship
Before you join or create a polyamorous relationship, make sure that is functioning healthily, that there is healthy communication, that the partners involved are able to confront issues maturely and as a unified team. This will ensure that your inclusion or your creating of one is beneficial and won't serve to exacerbate issues that already exist and to find out how these issues can affect you.
Do practice flexibility
Monogamous relationships are already challenging with regards to time and resource management, polyamorous relationships are even more so. Make sure that all your partners' needs are met and that you are able to manage and make time for all of your partners in order to give them the same amount of commitment and effort.
Do practice accountability
Any relationship won't work without a partner's ability to take accountability for their actions. Even monogamous relationships won't last without a certain level of culpability for their actions and their reasons for acting in certain ways. A lack of accountability means that you don't have the ability to deal with issues and to accept positive changes.
Do know what you offer
When creating or joining a polyamorous relationship, you must not be self seeking. You must see what you can offer to improve the current relationship you are creating or joining. You cannot enter a polyamorous relationship for selfish reasons or disregard your partners' needs if your needs are being met, especially if all you offer or are seeking is sex with multiple partners as polyamory is so much more than just sex.
The Don'ts for Polyamorous Relationship
Don't have bad intentions
Make sure that before you create or join a polyamorous relationship, that you seriously evaluate why it is appealing to you, and that your intentions for creating or joining one are for the right reasons. Polyamory is not a means to avoid being faithful or a means to grant you the ability to be unfaithful. Some people practice polyamory in order to work on their jealous tendencies and improve self confidence in relationships.
Don't use it as a band-aid
Polyamory will not save an already failing relationship if the reasons it's failing are not being confronted. Introducing more people to a rocky relationship might even make the pre-existing issues worse. Make sure that you are creating or joining a polyamorous relationship for the right reasons and not to use it as a hotfix for issues that should be seriously confronted.
Don't ignore your partners' feelings
Invalidating your partners' feelings is not the correct way to conduct yourself in a polyamorous relationship. You have to check in with them to see if they still are interested and as invested as you are, and if their needs are being met, as they are emotionally dealing with things the way you are, too. This way, your partners will also treat your feelings and concerns with the same amount of respect.
Don't use polyamory for validation
Polyamorous or monogamous, no relationship is to grant you validation that you're missing and craving. you must be able to give yourself that validation. You must already have a healthy self esteem and self worth in order to make any relationship work. Insecurity can cause you to break sacred agreements with one or more partners when you are seeking validation.
Don't use polyamory for sex
The point of polyamory is self improvement, self discovery, experimentation, learning to improve as a person in order to contribute to the relationship. A lot of people are under the impression that polyamory's purpose is solely for sex which is not the case. It may partly be for finding your sexual identity but it is not the sole purpose.
Polyamory should be a consensual decision between two or more parties. If you have to use unhealthy and manipulative tactics in order to get what you want out of a polyamorous relationship, then you or your partner are not fit or ready for one. This kind of relationship is not a means of selfish gain. Each person you are in a relationship with is not a score to be gained.
Don't keep score
Polyamory, if not done right can become a scoreboard, using your relationships and activities with other partners as ways to place guilt or jealousy over another partner. Partners must not see interactions with others as them being given special or preferential treatment. Jealousy and score keeping are the exact things you want to keep out of a polyamorous relationship.
Don't let problems marinate
In any relationship, problems must not be left unresolved, but especially in polyamorous relationships, as the feelings and needs of each partner must be equally met or if any one of your partners has any thoughts and concerns with regards to the relationship. If anyone feels as though their terms are not being respected, do not get defensive, instead, allow for respectful, honest and open communication.
Polyamorous relationships take a lot of trust, work, openness, communication and problem solving skills. You don't necessarily have to have all these things perfected in order to begin or join one, but significant work must be done with who you are as a person in order to make a polyamorous relationship flourish.